Talking about your fears is tough. I don’t think anyone likes to talk about their fears for two main reasons. Most people don’t want people to look down on them for their fear of choice. Yes, fear is a choice most of the time. It’s natural to want to make people think nothing bothers you. Also, most people don’t discuss their fears because they believe once someone knows what they are afraid of it will be used against them in the future.
It’s almost similar to the Samson story. For those who may be unfamiliar – it is a Biblical story about a strong leader who believed all his strength came from his uncut hair. This man could not be defeated until a woman named Delilah discovered his secret. He was sleeping one night when Delilah had someone cut his hair. He woke up so afraid of his future because as far as he knew it was his hair that kept him powerful. He assumed that without his long locks he was no longer special and vulnerable to any attack. The lesson in the story is that he focused too much on the hair and not on God. He didn’t put all of his trust in God.
The Samson and Delilah story is a good lesson even for those who are not religious. The point is we put too much faith in the wrong things. We place people on pedestals, we make materialistic things more important, or we place too much importance on our personal success. None of that is matters at the end of the day.
Humans fear vulnerability. We always have to create safe spaces for ourselves and our families. When I started to think about writing this post I had to consider my own fears. I have many. The part of the story I had never thought about was what I do when I am afraid.
Who do you feel comfortable discussing your fears? The choice is between family or friends.
Which one do you think I chose?
- My choice is my dearest friends. I have a very tight circle of girlfriends that I talk to about almost anything. I don’t discuss everything with all of my girlfriends – just the really close ones: only 3 people fit in that category.
- I chose my friends because they know the real me. They know the real me more than my own parents know the real me. My parents sometimes still see me as the scared/shy 10 year-old instead of a more self-assured woman in her 30s. I can’t always keep it all the way real with them about certain situations.
- I know my closest friends aren’t going to run and tell Aunt ____ or Uncle_____ everything I just said to them unlike my parents (particularly my mother). My relatives are wonderful but very gossipy. I don’t like gossips. I already have trust issues and they just make everything worse.
- It is important to not began to discuss your fears until you can be honest with yourself. Some people aren’t ready for what comes next when the words spill out of their mouth. If you aren’t ready to be “real” you aren’t ready to discuss your fears.
- In some cases you may have to be prepared to take on a personal project to “overcome” said fear. Never let anyone push you into territory you are not ready to go. It is up to you…but if and when you do decide to go all the way than you need to go all the way!
Hopefully, all of you have someone you can talk to about your fears when it comes to college, career, health, family matters, friendships, and romantic relationships. None of us should be navigating this life on our own.