Can’t Force Friendships

I was reminded in 2016 that you can’t force a friendship.  I originally learned this as a freshman in high school.  Yet, this year some situations came up that made me know for sure that at times I need to fall back.  My friendship was either flat-out rejected or I had to learn again about hierarchy.  There is definitely a hierarchy when it comes to friendships.  Whether we realize it or not we place our friends on totem poles.    Depending on what is going on with our lives,  sometimes the position on the totem pole can change.

I know for sure that I am not high on the list for some of my friends.  I suppose the real questions is – are you really friends if your standing is always evolving.  I believe so.  It all depends on the level of friendship.  You have the friends you talk to or text once a week, the ones you hang out with every 3 months, and the ones you communicate with 2x a year – call on their birthday and send them a Christmas card.  I think all of those levels of friendship are meaningful in their own way.  I don’t think of my friends that I only communicate with 2x a year as less of friends.

Where I do notice a difference is when I am the one doing all the communicating.  If I am the only one sending out a message to hang out or the only one calling/texting then we have an issue.  A friendship is not one-sided.  If I am the only one doing everything that is not a friendship.  There were some people who never responded back to me about whether or not they wanted to attend an event.  They were always too busy doing other things.  Well, after awhile you get the hint.  They don’t want to be bothered.  I don’t chase people.  I won’t chase after a man, so  I definitely won’t chase after someone to be my friend.  It’s never that serious. If I try a few times and the result is no different then I walk away.

The worse thing you can do is push yourself on people.  If they want your friendship they will take action and show you they want what you want. If they aren’t doing anything, then they don’t want anything with you.  Yes, it is extremely difficult to deal with the rejection of friendship.  I won’t lie about that.  It hurts like hell.  Yet, it is apart of life. Another life lesson.  You realize everyone doesn’t want to be your friend and you just move on.  It doesn’t make you a bad person and it doesn’t make them a bad person.

The worst possible scenario is when you think someone is your friend only to realize they only look at you as an acquaintance.  Whoops.  That hurts.

friends_and_acquaintances

 

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