Jumping Headfirst into New Possibilities

The past few years have not been great for my career.  I have tried and tried to figure out where I went wrong so I could make the appropriate changes.  Some answers have come along, but still waiting for more things to happen.

This was supposed to be a good time in my life.  I had hoped to have a nice condo or house by now, a newer car, and a nice job living comfortable in a fun city.  My dreams of where I thought I would be in my 30s have not come true.  It makes me angry.

What was the moment I should have steered in the opposite direction?  What year was I supposed to get more out of my comfort zone and travel more?  Perhaps I should have tried to write my book at 25 or 27.

Full disclosure:  I had an opportunity at 28 to move to a different state.  My job was moving and they wanted me to go with them.  I had two days to make the decision.  I was scared to make the move and turned down the job.  I frequently go back to that time and wonder if I screwed up.  I don’t know if my life would have been SO much better if I had left.  Yet, it is hard to know if I would have had some great experiences being in a new environment.

I tell others I know that are in their 20s to go for it if they want to move away.  Do it!!  I really do wish I had moved away – not necessarily the city that my job was going to but any other city.  I just wish I had opened my mind up to all the possibilities.  The sad part is that I didn’t give myself a chance.  Fear took over and I let that make my decision for me.  I wish I had the confidence to believe I could make it in a new city.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s too late for me to really start over.  I know 35 is still young, but it’s not 25.  If I could just start fresh at 35 that would be awesome.  In four months I will be 36.  The plan is to make some significant changes before my birthday.  I want to really have something to celebrate this year.

Every new year I go through the same long list of things I wished I had accomplished by now.  I never focus on what did happen, but what should have happened.  This unhappiness has continued for the last several years.  I want to end this now.

I talk a lot of s–t sometimes.   I can say a lot of positive things and give great advice to others.   I can help others live their best life but I can’t do it for me.  I talk a lot about what I am “going to do” but never do it.  No more!  In 2016 it will be about action.

What I want for 2016

  1. Make better financial choices
  2. Organize all areas of my life
  3. Take my health seriously
  4. Start a real career (new job has to be on its way)
  5. Write my book
  6. Cook more
  7. Work on more creative projects/volunteer
  8. Move into a new place *hopefully
  9. Make new friends that are going to be cool and loyal
  10. Travel more
  11. Meet a kind, fun, and intelligent guy

I want to be real with myself this year.  I have a lot of growing to do.  Growing is painful but I think there will be great rewards in the end.

2 comments

  1. dragonflyzia · January 3, 2016

    1, 2, 3, and 5…..I am right there with you. You can’t keep looking back at that choice…in some ways it is holding you back. You made the right choice for you at that time…..keep looking forward and keep writing. This is a brand new year and you can make it whatever you want it to be. 🙂

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