There was a person that I got to know a little better this year. I enjoyed speaking to this person and had hoped we could become friends. Chaos ensued quickly.
I had many other things going on in my personal life and became frustrated. I was sad and hurting. I could never tell this person what I was going through. I would never tell became we hadn’t become that type of friends yet and also I didn’t think he would care.
Therefore, I held it all in while slowly turning into a rude person. I tried to avoid this person like the plague as I tried to sort out the unpleasant areas in my life at the time.
I misread this person thinking they would want to be friends. I made the big mistake of trying to convince this person I was worthy of their friendship. The truth is that I don’t get to make that decision because no one does. He was the only one that could make the decision. I should have just backed off sooner.
It became clear this person was never interested in being friends. Some people like being friendly but it doesn’t necessarily lead to friendship. I should have been more understanding and for that I feel bad.
I misread a lot of signs, became disappointed, and had to go away to collect myself again. I have never been angry with this person. They may or may not feel the same concerning me. Yet, I am actually grateful to him.
I learned that I only have control up to a point of how people view me. I hope my actions speak well of me 95% of the time. Yet, there is that 5% of time that I can be sad, frustrated, hurtful, mean, rude, and avoidant. I am not even close to a perfect human being. I am a person that tries my damn hardest to give joy when I can. I like to be supportive of friends, lend an ear when someone needs it, and offer my sarcastic rants when someone needs a laugh. I am the person who despite my facial expressions at times – does not take my self so damn serious. I fall and I laugh at myself. Who cares, right!
The point is to just let things happen on their own terms. Everything in life has to happen on their own terms. The best we can do is pray, continue to be our best selves, make a point to do better next time, stay on our path, and wish for the best.
May there be Peace on Earth and goodwill to all.