Lost in Grey

White dress covers skin

crawled out from deep, black abyss

Grey skies loom…home…where?

Have you ever felt like you didn’t understand why certain things were happening?   I used the imagery of a “white dress” in the above haiku because I hope it gives any reader the sense that the lady above is pure/innocent.  Yet, do we really know that she is just because she wears white.  The lady in white emerges from a deep, black abyss.  Is this not strange? 

Perhaps it is very much apart of life that we all have good intentions and try to be ‘good’ people but then life happens and we end up in ‘bad’ situations.  Does that now mean we are bad and can’t be redeemed?  We can all be ‘lost in grey’ at points in our lives.  I don’t believe most people are really ‘bad’, only like 5%.  We are all trying to do the best we can while we are here on this Earth.  We are all giving, learning, loving, producing, and trying.  What happens when we do fall into that abyss and trying to find our way back “home”?

As a Christian I have always struggled with the idea that I was born a sinner.  How is a baby just coming into the world already a sinner?  I don’t know how I feel about this idea that I was born with sin and my sole purpose in life is to apologize for my every move.  Am I really suppose to just dedicate my life to praying and apologizing because I will never get it right. I have no issue with apologizing when I legitimately do something wrong.  But what if I didn’t do anything bad.

Sometimes the abyss is not physical but of the mind.  Internal warfare.  Internal warfare is when you battle your own insecurities and shames.  It may not even be that you did anything bad to someone.  No one attacked you – but you.  You throw verbal grenades at yourself daily.   We all do this to ourselves and need to stop.  We have to learn to stop hurting ourselves. More importantly we have to stop giving people so much control over our emotions.

//Maybe redemption has stories to tell, maybe forgiveness is right where you fell...:

Most people don’t give themselves enough credit for trying to do the best they can.  Please tell yourself that you are OK.  You will be OK.  Today you may have ‘failed’ at something, but tomorrow will be better.  You may have said a bad word to a friend, but tomorrow you will apologize.  If people aren’t accepting of your apology that says more about them than it does about you.  Keep moving on!

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