Letter to Self-Destructive Boys and Girls

I’m sorry that you had an absentee father.  I’m sorry that your mother worked two or three jobs to take care of you and your siblings. She worked so much she couldn’t help you with your homework and you struggled in school.  School was frustrating because you didn’t understand everything.  No one had time to take you to get tested in grade school only to later discover your dyslexia.

I’m angry at your mothers, grandmothers, aunts and uncles that try to protect you when you are wrong.  I’m angry that you are told by adults that you don’t have to listen to or respect other adults, teachers, counselors, police, and authority figures.  Entitlement at its finest.  I’m angry at your parents and guardians that didn’t teach you self control. I’m angry these adults didn’t give you proper tools to handle fear, disappointment, frustration, and sadness.  Instead our society taught you the only emotion that is acceptable to express is anger.  Yes, I’m angry about that too.

It is not right for you boys to beat up other boys and even girls because you were upset that day.  I feel terrible you were not taught it is OK to cry because you get picked on at school everyday for not having the latest clothes and sneakers.  Eventually your fists make up for tears you can’t shed in front of anyone.  It’s all OK though because I guess you are learning to be a man. Please don’t believe that tired excuse for bad behavior.

Boys: please know that education is so important.  Do not let anyone keep you from learning as much as you can. There is nothing wrong with being the cool guy that is also a nerd.  Keep your nose to your books and try not to let the girls be too much of a distraction. You have to focus on your own future – it is about you!

I hope you boys also know that there is nothing wrong with waiting to have sex.  There is nothing wrong with taking sex seriously and waiting to experience it with the right girl (hopefully your wife).  It is also good to remember that if you can’t wait and you do have sex to be respectful of the girl. Communicate with the girl so you are both on the same page regarding comfort level and protection (condoms, birth control, etc.)  Do not try to add as many notches to your bed as you can and think you are being cool.

I’m worried about you girls because you don’t understand your value and your sexuality.  I’m sorry no one taught you your body is a temple and everyone is not worthy to have access to it.  No boy should get close to you until he understands you don’t have to do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing – you have the right to say “No!”  “Let’s wait awhile”  “I like you but I’m not ready yet”  and even “You have to wear a condom.”

Sex is not a dirty word. It is a good thing in the right context with the right person (hopefully your husband).  If not your husband – at least someone who loves you as much as you love them.  Someone who will always be there to protect you. This still doesn’t mean you should walk around showing lots of cleavage with the shortest skirt you can find hoping to get attention.

No guy is worth literally fighting for unless you are married to him. He may have hurt you but you need to move on.  He is not worth your time if he continues to hurt you and play around with other girls. Don’t fight the other girl because she doesn’t owe you anything – just move on.

Girls: do not be ashamed to be smart.  Never dumb yourself down for any guy.  Please make sure that guy understands your brain is your sexiest body part.

I will pray for you and wish you well in your future. Stay blessed!


  1. EV · June 14, 2015

    Truth. Thank you.

    • livesinldreams · June 14, 2015

      Thanks so much. I try to keep it as real as I can. I don’t believe in sugar-coating anything.

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