Romantic relationships are hard to maintain. Any long-term relationship takes commitment, time, and energy. It really IS work – look at it as another job. My perspective is that this is the reason some marriages fail and why people are deciding against marriage. Some people think negatively of marriage and it is because they are selfish. Let’s call it what it is. I will go so far as to say the reason people still bring children into the world but can’t seem to maintain a relationship with the other partner is because of selfishness. They will make a baby with this person – but think staying in a relationship with them is actually too much work. What a thought! They are right because it IS a lot if work as prefaced earlier.
The American society we live in now is more about individual satisfaction more so than any time in history. People don’t think in terms of we anymore. I would definitely say this issue plays out in relationships. Instead of thinking “how are we going to build on what we have to make things better” you hear “what are you going to do for me?” Wrong attitude to have if you want to make a long-term relationship or marriage work. Compromise is considered a dirty word. People would rather wash their hands and do away with it.
In theory, I would say having a child is easier than a marriage. I stated this earlier and want to further explain. Small children are easy to manipulate. They do what they are told (most of the time). When you are a *narcissist you love having a child because you can mold them into whatever you want. A parent can have some control over their child’s personality. Yet, consider the adult narcissist that has to deal with another adult. They have no control in the shaping of another adult. They don’t like that. They can only control them through force. Another adult is not going to follow you blindly with no questions like a child. Another adult isn’t going to think you are the greatest thing since the first iPod just because you exist like a child. Therefore, you have to work for attention and love and some people are incapable of any of that. Yes, work. It is because our society has now taught us we are all so special and we are allowed to have a multitude of expectations and demands without needing to give up anything. Fast forward and now people can’t handle relationships.
I’m not married but I do believe marriage can work. It can only work when both parties go into it with the “us” instead of “me” attitude and willing to compromise when necessary. Marriage works when you have mutual respect for one another, share the same values, and communicate frequently.
I felt the need touch on this topic because men and women my age have complained so much lately about why they can’t find a good partner. I have had this conversation with people I know personally and they have a hard time looking in the mirror. They don’t understand why “men are dogs” or why “women are like female dogs”. As soon as I ask them what they would bring to the relationship, I get odd answers. They look and say, “I don’t understand. Why do I have to do anything? They need to learn how to treat me.” Keep that attitude and stay single.
Just my thoughts….
*Note: not everyone that is selfish is a narcissist.